Getting (re-)Started

[rj_anderson]

Thanks for all the kind and encouraging words in response to my last post. To more fully explain my mental state, I offer this two-part cartoon:

"dance academy || abigail's solo ♥" (Watch on YouTube)

"" (Watch on YouTube)

Except with a lot less procrastination and a lot more piano-banging -- or in this case, laptop-banging.

I'm used to having three days twice a month where I can't write or even think straight; I've even come to factor those times into my overall writing schedule, because they're so predictable. This difficulty, on the other hand, can't be written down to any of the usual cyclical-hormonal factors, and it's unnerving me.

I knew I'd be in a bit of a slump after the exhilaration of finishing my revision of Knife: that was why I took a whole week off after finishing the book just to relax and think about other things. I was actually looking forward to getting back to Touching Indigo at the end of that hiatus -- but no matter how I tackled that first scene of Book II, it refused to come together. Even once I got the dialogue down, I couldn't make the narration happen.

And then I went back and looked at the work I'd done on Knife, which at the time I'd been so pleased with and generally proud of -- and I hated every word of it. I picked up another author's book, one I'd read before and enjoyed -- and I found fault with that, too. Which made plain that this was an irrational mental state rather than an objective problem with my ability to write -- but knowing that doesn't actually solve the problem, alas.

I don't feel that taking more time off is the solution, because aside from a few head-bashing attempts I've now taken at least two full weeks off writing -- actually closer to three. And the less I write the more frustrated and daunted I feel, and the more conscious that the lovely productive writing habits I built up over the ten weeks I was revising Knife are going down the toilet.

It would be nice to be able to embrace the "give yourself permission to write crap" philosophy and just hammer out something at random -- but while noble in intent and effective for many, that strategy doesn't work at all for me: if I think I'm writing crap I won't want to write at all. So right now the only thing I can think of is to keep doing something related to writing, even if it's only making notes. Something that allows me to feel like I'm making needed progress, without pressuring me to deliver a level of prose that my brain isn't up to at the moment.

Eventually this block will clear, I know.

I just wish I knew when.

Comments

[yahtzee63.livejournal.com]

Hang in there, bun. Sometimes we all just get burnt out. I didn't write squat between October and December of last year; moving and surgery and the like simply squeezed me dry. Rest, relax, don't beat yourself up and know that it will return. (Seriously, you've been writing for how many years now? You KNOW that this is something you've always done and will always do.)

I was quite serious about the suggestion to write fanfic, you know. Keeps you limber, but no expectations --

[rj-anderson.livejournal.com]

I know that writing fanfic would be great if I could do it, but I can't think of a single ficcable idea any more -- the fandoms I currently have just don't inspire me that way. I can't think of the last time I watched an episode (or read a volume) of any of them and thought, "Ooh! I totally have to write fic!"

I think my sense of play is broken. My brain is all stuck on I B SRS WRITER NAO, even though I don't want it to be. I'm all hung up on efficiency and productivity and following the million contrary rules that other authors/editors/agents have laid out for what makes a good book... and no matter how hard I try to ignore that kind of thinking, it keeps haunting me.

[yahtzee63.livejournal.com]

I seriously suggest that, either tomorrow night or maybe this weekend, you and I meet up online and brainstorm. Just for fun. And I could use it, honestly. Let me know if you think that might help ---

[rj-anderson.livejournal.com]

Can I kiss your feet? Seriously, I would love that. When tomorrow night would be good for you?

[yahtzee63.livejournal.com]

Hee! Wait until I've had a pedicure.

As for brainstorming, though, tomorrow night anytime after about 7:30 p.m. EST should work. Before "Lost" is better, but for you, I watch on DVR. Just let me know your schedule.

[yahtzee63.livejournal.com]

Picked a time yet?

[rj-anderson.livejournal.com]

Oh, I'm sorry! I didn't realize you were waiting for me to pick a time (duh).

My kids go to bed at 8:30 and I go to bed at 10:30, so... would 8:45 be okay?

[yahtzee63.livejournal.com]

Sounds good! See you there and then.

[kerravonsen]

I know that writing fanfic would be great if I could do it, but I can't think of a single ficcable idea any more

Wah! This is of the sadness!

I think my sense of play is broken. My brain is all stuck on I B SRS WRITER NAO, even though I don't want it to be.

(points to icon)

Write some drabbles. Write some lightening fic.

[kalquessa.livejournal.com]

I know what you mean re. the writing crap thing. I can't do it, either, at least not on purpose. (I have definitive proof that I can, in fact, write utter crap when I think I'm writing deathless prose, but that is neither here nor there.)

I wish I could say something useful and encouraging, but all I have is a store of internet hugs that you're more than welcome to. Maybe this time of note-taking and outlining and what-have-you will produce something wonderful. *prayers*

[devonmonk.livejournal.com]

One of the things a friend told me to try was to take the kitchen timer into my office and set it for five (or two, or one) minute, and write for that long. It doesn't have to be on the book. It doesn't have to be anything but "I hate that I can't write right now, why am I such a loser, did I remember to put the softener in the laundry" and etc. When the timer goes off--move away from the screen. Stare out a window. Go outside and breathe. Drink coffee. Set the timer for a ten to fifteen minute break--and do not write during the break.

Then set the timer and try for two or three or five minutes of writing again.

This has sometimes worked for me, leading me down interesting sentences that eventually allow me to relax, pull my shoulders away from my ears, and stop just fricking hating everything I'm doing.

The other big factor for me is sleep. I hate that it's true, but if I'm short on sleep, I'm crap at the computer.

Good luck! You can do it!

[penwiper26.livejournal.com]

Best I can do is to give myself permission to have written crap. But I can't think it's crap at the time.

Perhaps some tactile exercises are in order? Or some character dreaming? I wouldn't say "don't write," just fly to a different area of the cloud of mental activities that are associated with writing.

[mary-j-59.livejournal.com]

I do think the fanfic is not a bad idea - and I'm a person who would find "give yourself permission to write really badly" helpful, because I'm a perfectionist. But, if that doesn't work for you, maybe you could just try writing something else? Some form or subject you've never attempted before? Haikus? Maybe the opening sentences of twenty different novels? And then choose five, and try for a paragraph?

It seems the point is to get back to being playful, which is hard to do when you've been doing such focused and concentrated work for so long. But you'll get there! Something will break the logjam. Keep trying different things - journals, wordgames, bad poetry, whatever - something will work. I'm sure of it! Because you are a born writer, aren't you?

[shoebox2.livejournal.com]

**And then I went back and looked at the work I'd done on Knife, which at the time I'd been so pleased with and generally proud of -- and I hated every word of it. **

Yeah. If it helps any, I did the same thing with the article after I got it back from the editor. Literally couldn't believe any reputable magazine would take such an amateurish bit of junk. Howver...they did. :) In my experience the feeling does pass, after awhile.

Playful...sometimes I enjoy spending awhile just contributing to other forums, or the TV Tropes wikipedia, or other similarly fun-but-pointless stuff. The interest is there, but the obligation to be dead fascinating isn't, so much.

[cesario.livejournal.com]

Oh, irrational mental states, where would we be without you? Fitter, happier, more productive?

Incidentally, I went to your MySpace page but I can't listen to anything cause you haven't got downloads enabled and my dial up can't cope with streaming music, so enable a download, why doncha?

[rj-anderson.livejournal.com]

Mea culpa! They're enabled now. Thanks for the tip.

[olmue.livejournal.com]

Another friend is feeling this way, too--just finished revisions on something that went out to editors this week, and she can't for the life of her get into the sequel. Her suggestion (to me, since I am under far less pressure but am completely stuck as well) was to put the characters in a different place completely outside of your story--take them on vacation or something, and jolt them out of their comfort zone. Not for the book, but to reconnect with the characters again.

[robinellen.livejournal.com]

I had this problem in December -- for pretty much the entire month. I finished my NaNo novel, and then I couldn't seem to get anywhere with it, even though it needed serious revision. It's frustrating -- and being between projects makes me feel the same way (which is where I was a couple weeks ago).

I think the longest I've gone without any inspiration was 6 weeks -- very long 6 weeks. I'm sending my muse-ical thoughts your way, Rebecca!

[coloradowriter.livejournal.com]

You know what helped me break out of my slump? Reading Screenwriting for Dummies and taking copious notes in a spiral. I was seriously considering writing a screenplay by the end of that exercise.

I hope your muse comes back soon.

[pbristow.livejournal.com]

Well, I know you're a singer... Ever written any filk songs?

Before I discovered filk, used to try to write fanfic. I usually gave up eahc effort after a page or so, and very rarely finished anything.
A big part of the appeal of filk writing for me is that's possible to complete a song before either (a) boredom sets in, or (b) I notice some humungous plot/logic/character hole that means the project isn't worth the time. And if it's a funny song, humungous plot/logic/character holes can be part of the fun. =:o} If you're halfway through writing a serious song and you realise it's pants, you can often turn it into a silly one instead, and at least salvage some of the original ideas. (And sometimes, a silly idea can turn out to actually be quite poignant when rendered in song.)

And if it's *still* pants, at least you've only wasted an hour, instead of a whole day/week/month; and you didn't spend the whole day *not writing*. =:o\

[erinbow.livejournal.com]

I am in the exact place you are, having finished the big edit to my first novel about a month ago, and having done nothing whatever since. I mean, yeah, I'm thrilled my agent loves it, thrilled that I'll soon (agent says) have an editor of my very own and a nice juicy contract.

It's just a pity that it will be my last book ever because I CAN'T WRITE!

Dunno. It's partly post-partum; I've felt that every time I finish a big project. And it's partly the I AM A REAL WRITER NOW feeling, keeping me from doodling and scribbling and exploring. But the truth is I have no idea what I want to doodle and scribble and explore about.

I feel so useless. My powers of expression have simply left me, and I am bizzarely comforted to hear yours have left you too. Maybe I've got more faith in yours than in mine. I know yours will be back so maybe mine will be too...

Tea sometime? No more tapioca beads in it, I promise.

[rj-anderson.livejournal.com]

It's partly post-partum; I've felt that every time I finish a big project. And it's partly the I AM A REAL WRITER NOW feeling, keeping me from doodling and scribbling and exploring. But the truth is I have no idea what I want to doodle and scribble and explore about.

That is exactly how I'm feeling. And yes, we must absolutely have tea. And commiserate, and brainstorm, and all those things that will hopefully encourage us both.

When would be a good time for you?

[erinbow.livejournal.com]

Your town or mine?

I am still working (another reason for the slump, but another story) but starting next week I have Wednesdays off, if you want to come here. Or I could make my way to your town, say, Saturday?

[rj-anderson.livejournal.com]

Alas, my day without the kids is Thursday rather than Wednesday, or I would love to take you up on that. But if you could make it here some Saturday -- perhaps even this Saturday, if it works out for both of us -- I would be delighted! Perhaps we might meet at Harry Ten Shilling in Shakespeare? Tea and scones on me.

[erinbow.livejournal.com]

Ooo, I love Harry's!

This Saturday will work if it's relatively early; I have out-of-town company coming in early afternoon. Do you mind seeing James and Vivi as well? I still don't drive and Shakespeare isn't on the bus route. Maybe we can coax them into dropping me off and heading for more toddler-friendly haunts nearby.

I also have next Thursday off.

[rj-anderson.livejournal.com]

Alas, Harry's is open neither Saturday mornings nor on Thursdays during the off-season, IIRC. But we could certainly go somewhere else -- and I don't mind seeing James and Vivi, by any means.

Sounds like this Saturday is pretty busy for you, mind -- would you rather I came your way next Thursday morning?

[erinbow.livejournal.com]

Shall we call it Thursday, then? If you'd like to pick me up, I can introduce you to one of KW's finer tea shops. Or we could meet somewhere in the middle, if that's easier.