My new philosophy

[rj_anderson]

I've mentioned this before -- over the past year or so I've really been struggling with my own writing process.

Once I realized that yes, I really might have a chance at becoming a professional author (and especially once I got an agent and a contract), I really began to question whether my writing method was solid enough to sustain a long-term career. Many of my writing habits seemed to run contrary to the advice I kept reading from more experienced authors online, and it made me doubt myself severely.

So I started trying on other writers' methods, to see if any of them might fit. First Draft in 30 Days. The Snowflake Method. Fast Draft. I was determined to give each of these my very best try, not to give up until I was certain they weren't for me. I took to heart Anne Lamott's famous dictum about embracing the crappy first draft, and forging onward until that draft was done before starting to revise. I made up outlines and spreadsheets to keep track of my plot, and filled out questionnaires and drew emotional maps to try and understand my characters. I committed myself to writing a certain number of words every day, and completing at least one chapter every week. And when I met those goals, I was relieved -- sometimes even proud.

But I wasn't happy.

Writing had stopped being fun in even the most generous definition of the word, and become a kind of waking nightmare. Instead of thinking about my book all the time, I was worrying about my book all the time, which is not the same thing. Instead of generating ideas, I was reduced to problem-solving: instead of being excited by new possibilities, I felt like I was trying desperately to work out some abstruse mathematical equation which was bound to be on the final exam, and getting it wrong every time.

There's no question that writing is a discipline and that many days you don't feel like writing but you have to do it anyway -- so I knew it wouldn't be reasonable to expect it to be "fun" in that sense. But when you're at the point where you're dropping your bucket down the creative well and hearing it scrape dry bottom every time; when you're working on a book with an intriguing premise, an exciting plot and characters you have no reason not to love, but you find yourself hating them all; when you've lost all faith in your own abilities as a writer and the merest hint of criticism or the kindliest word of advice makes you want to crawl into a hole and cry -- then something's not right.

Two weeks ago, I hit the wall. Despite all my self-discipline and dogged determination to see my first draft through, I literally could not connect the narrative dots anymore. So I had to stop, and take a break, and reevaluate. It took me two weeks to get off the crazy train of frustration and guilt and self-blame, but when I finally got my head clear, I realized that virtually nothing I'd been doing over the past year, method-wise, had been any good for me.

So I've come up with a new motto for the next phase of my writing career:

Write something.

That's it. Every day, I will sit down and write something. Might be ten words, might be a thousand; might be editing or revising or totally new material, doesn't matter. I've turned off Word Count and I've stopped marking chapter goals on my calendar. And after just a week of writing without that pressure, I can't tell you how much better I feel... or how much happier I am with what I've written.

I've no doubt that goal-setting is a great help to many people, but the fact is, I tend to obsess about deadlines and knock myself out to meet them even without those extra reminders. I'm an organized person for the most part; I'm a disciplined person for the most part. More often than not I do finish the projects that I begin, and I've written enough stories in the past ten years (some of them novel-length by the time they were done) to know that my debut manuscript wasn't just a flash in the pan. So while the advice I've been reading from seasoned pros saying things like "Write for X hours or X words a day!" and "Finish your entire first draft before you allow yourself to revise!" isn't worthless by any means, and I'm sure a lot of struggling writers will benefit from hearing it, it just isn't right for me.

And you know what? Working simply by the principle of "Write Something", I managed to finish the new version of my first chapter in just seven days anyway. Yes, it was revision rather than new material, and I'd like to pick up that pace a bit in future chapters if I can. But I'm moving forward, and now that I'm no longer pushing myself to achieve a particular daily word count, I feel like I'm finally getting to know and love my new characters and enjoy telling their story. I can feel now when something's not right, and I can fix it as I'm going, instead of blowing past it and telling myself it has to wait until the revision phase. And for me, that's crucial to my satisfaction and productivity as a writer.

Anyway, the gist of all this is that it's been a long painful road, and in the end it turned out to lead me in a circle -- right back to the method I started with. And I guess the moral of that story is, "If it ain't broke, don't fix it." If in three months' time I find myself still nowhere near having a working first draft, then I might have good reason to reconsider my writing process. But I'm not in that position yet -- and for all I know, perhaps I never will be.

So that's where I'm at these days. It's been a rough haul, but I think I'm doing okay.

Now I'm going off to camp with the fam until next Friday, so if you post something earthshattering on your LJ and I don't comment, you'll know why. Have a good week, everybody!

Comments

[taimdala.livejournal.com]

When I read about your doubts, the self-castigation, the frustration of not finding a 'professional' method that worked for you, I recognized all of it and found myself nearly crying. I went through something like this--though not nearly to your extent--and had to come to the same conclusion: If you've developed a style and a method that works, don't change it. You'll only derail your train and get nowhere.

I am so glad you've found your way back again and I wish you success in your new book. And thank you so much for posting your journey here--I needed the reminder to stay true to my own work and methods, and to just keep going.

Thank you. ^_^

[taimdala.livejournal.com]

Have fun camping! And roast some marshmallows for me... add chocolate and graham crackers, and you've got s'mores!

[terihall.livejournal.com]

Wow. I am so glad you posted this. I read all the word counts and "I just wrote an entire book in two weeks" comments and advice to get the first draft on the page fast and revise later stuff, and sometimes I wonder too. I don't do any of those things.

The part where yo said that you had been reduced to problem solving hit home with me. I have been struggling with that as well. And I have come to the same conclusions you have: we have to write the way we write. Otherwise we are just cranking out product. And I am not in it for product.

Glad it is feeling better!

[jenny-moss.livejournal.com]

I've been thinking about you, Rebecca. I'm so amazed by you and how much you love your craft and what you will do to get better and better at it. And I am so glad you have found some answers.

Hugs.

[pameladean]

Oh, congratulations on figuring out your process and being true to it.

I'm violently allergic to all these methods myself, so I don't very often comment about them, since they clearly do work for a lot of people. But I do what you do. Sometimes I get lazy -- unlike you, I am not an organized person and I'm not very energetic -- and then, if I've really been falling down on the job and there's no good reason for it (good reasons including very vague "This needs to simmer somehow" formulations and intuitions), I institute, "Four hours or four pages, whichever comes first." (I don't know if I'd do that if I had kids, mind you.) But that's the limit.

P.

[tinpra.livejournal.com]

I'm so glad you posted this. I think my writing philosophy is somewhat similar to yours but, as you've said, the advice you see about writing all seems to be the exact antithesis. On the one hand I'm pretty happy with what I'm producing (and feel awful when I slack off) but every time I read some kind of writer advice or listen to writers talk about how they work and I just feel like I'm doing everything wrong. It's no fun coming home after a long day of day-job, trying to slog through writing during the commute, only to feel like I'm screwing it all up.

But now...I don't have to feel so bad. I just have to convince myself during those blue-times that I am not "doing it wrong" but, rather, am doing what works for me.

Thank you so much for sharing. I always appreciate your postings regarding your writing process.

[writerjenn.livejournal.com]

:-)

[parkerpeevy.livejournal.com]

I've totally been through this. Writing is work, but it should still be fun. There should be joy in creating, and if there's not then you're got to find some way to get back to that sense of play. For me, it was taking a long break and just toying around with stories I had no plans of ever showing anyone--just writing for the fun of it.

I hope your "just write something" helps you out! I tell myself something similar: "Just do what you can."

[sartorias.livejournal.com]

Yay!

It could be that at some point you'll be glad that you did try all those methods, but I'm so glad you've discovered what is best for YOU.

[olmue.livejournal.com]

I'm glad you've decided to follow the way that works best for you. No two writers are alike; why should their methods be? I wish you lots of joy in your own process!

[meganfrazer.livejournal.com]

Thanks so much for posting this. I've been feeling exactly the same way, and I actually think it comes from now having sold and putting more pressure on myself. I literally have laid awake at night worrying about plot points, and trying to force myself to have the whole story planned out before I even start writing. And, as it was for you, it was taking the joy out of writing for me. I've come to the same conclusion you have: just write.

[shoebox2.livejournal.com]

So glad to hear you're OK, first of all, and that the writing process is going well again. As long as you're enjoying yourself, feeling the creative juices flowing, there by definition can't be anything wrong with your process.

[superwench83.livejournal.com]

This is why I hate the dogmatic attitude some writers have about writing. Some of them will say, "You must outline. You have to!" Others will say, "You must wait three months after finishing the first draft before you come back to it again." These things work for some people, but not for others, and it's silly to expect that everyone works the same way. Which is why I've decided that when I'm a published author, the only thing I'll tell anyone they must do is to remember that writing advice is just that--advice. It may be good advice. It may even be great advice. But if it ends up hurting instead of helping, then it's advice which is best forgotten.

[friede.livejournal.com]

For what it's worth "write something every day" is also my motto.

[kerravonsen]

And after just a week of writing without that pressure, I can't tell you how much better I feel... or how much happier I am with what I've written.
Yay!

I realized that virtually nothing I'd been doing over the past year, method-wise, had been any good for me.

I think that was pretty clear from the mutterings I've been hearing from your direction -- and it doesn't surprise me at all. You are a polish-as-you-go writer, you always have been. I remember you mentioning your delight at finding another writer that wrote like that -- I can't remember exactly who it was, was it Emma Bull? -- and both of you saying "wow, I am not alone". Because it is a very unusual writing style. But it isn't a "wrong" writing style, not if it works for you. But all the advice you'd been getting was telling you that it was "wrong", because it isn't a writing style that would work for many people. It certainly wouldn't work for me.

But I'm really glad that you've finally owned it, that you can stop feeling guilty, that you can fly with your own wings (or maybe it's a hot air balloon?) and enjoy writing again. Yay!

[alawston.livejournal.com]

Sticking to your guns rules, and it was probably necessary for you to go on the journey of exploring other methods to give you the confidence that yours is indeed the best for you.

If I ever achieve my professional dream, I'll have to address my method though. Writing everything in the pub, beer-lubricated, and typing it all up (and preliminary revising simultaneously) later works fine for a couple of hours an evening. All day every day would probably kill even me!

[megancrewe.livejournal.com]

You know, it's funny, because I'm one of those write-the-first-draft-real-fast-then-work-with-it types, and I've often looked at the many people who say they polish as they go and wondered if that way's actually better. As (also) an outline-everything-ahead-of-time writer, I often wonder if there's something wrong with me that I can't just take a premise and run with it without planning it all out, like many writers I know do. I think, no matter how you're doing things, you're always going to wonder if you could be doing it better. One of the problems of working in a field where there is no "right" way to do things, only what works right for you. Especially when there's no easy way to tell, beyond your own instincts, whether you're producing something "good" or not. :P

But I am very glad to hear that you're enjoying writing again! Hope the rest of the draft goes just as well!

[leigh-perkins.livejournal.com]

Thanks for the posting. Makes me feel a little less lost to know that someone else is wandering around without a proper compass and is still making her way on this most fulfilling journey. It's so hard not to compare all the time -- it only took so-and-so three months to complete her first draft; so-and-so had only two days of revisions before being signed, blah, blah, blah. Every author is different, but so is every book. Your next one may not develop in the same way as your last one. All we can do is follow where the impulse tugs us.

[my_daroga]

Thank you so much for your observations. I don't know yet what will work for me (I have major motivational problems, and always have when it's not something I'm obsessive over--and I haven't had time to obsess in years) but I love hearing others' experiences. I'm glad you do have a method that seems to be working, and I'm delighted to hear about your current satisfaction. Thank you.

[(Anonymous)]

Great post -- I really, really know the feeling. I so wish to be one of those speedy first-draft writers, and I am often filled with envy for other writers. My process is a torment sometimes, but it's sort of the only thing that works (sort of works, anyway). I do hope that I can gradually change my process as time goes on, and make it a little more sane. Part of the problem with my last book is that the plot was just a bear. I bit off a lot, and so I was ALWAYS problem-solving plot issues. I hope to keep things a little simpler on the new book; hope never to have so much UN-fun writing as I've had the past year! May the same be true for you.

Laini
www.growwings.blogspot.com

[paragraphs.livejournal.com]

Late on this train, but your little icon on Sherwood's lj made me grin, so I had to see...and found a Who fan. (probably a far more knowledgeable one than I am, I've only seen the new ones--but have at least seen them all). Anyway--good post, great post.

My I friend you? Pretty please? Not writing much in-post at the moment, but will be. I owe alot to Sherwood's lj for getting me writing again, and as often happens, something I note there just smacks me in the face. This did.

And oh, I failed miserably at Fast Draft. OY!

[rj-anderson.livejournal.com]

Friend away! Always happy to meet another fan.