In the immortal words of Bill the Cat: Ack.

[rj_anderson]

I did manage to write 2000 words, after all. I still feel like the whole book so far is made up of random jigsaw pieces, and every scene will need a great deal of revision, but at least I am still moving forward, albeit in a shuffling Igor-like fashion (neeeeeed braaaaaaaains).

I wish I felt happier about the whole thing, though. I think it's a potentially good story plot-wise, and I like the characters and feel that they are solid enough to carry the book. But I don't love what I'm writing. I don't get caught up in the mood and the atmosphere and write in a half-daze, the way I did when I was a teenager or in my early twenties. These days I feel that instead of soaring on the wings of a diaphanous muse, I am digging out every word with a shovel. It is not, as such, particularly Fun.

And yet I don't feel any happier about not writing, so onward I slog, and hope that somewhere along the way I will rediscover some pleasure in my own craft again.

Comments

[(Anonymous)]

:(
Well, that's not good. I hope you rediscover your writing joy!

[newport2newport.livejournal.com]

That's exactly how I was feeling, until I went back and decided to write the bones of my wip in progess (plot summary, character sketches, chapter outlines) first. Now I'm more excited again.

[kizmet-42.livejournal.com]

How did you write then? Did you write in 3 hour blocks like you do now?

Maybe the constraints on your time/attention aren't letting you have as much fun?

[rj-anderson.livejournal.com]

I used to write until 2 or 3 a.m. when I was really on a roll, and do most of my writing in the evenings after school/work (I'm a night owl). I never even paid attention to the time. But yeah, having to write only at certain times, and knowing that those times are also my only "free time" in the day, tends to make writing less of a fun outlet and a bit more like eating my vegetables.

[yahtzee63.livejournal.com]

Sometimes it's like hauling rocks -- no way around it.

[dichroic.livejournal.com]

One thing I've read in several places lately is that for some authors only the stuff that just flows is any good, for some the stuff they have to grind out is better, and for some there's no discernible difference in quality.

[rose-in-shadow.livejournal.com]

"This too shall pass."

Not all that helpful I'm afraid, but I suppose it's good to know that other writers suffer the same thing. Something will click and it'll feel different soon. Hang in there :-).

[dolorous-ett.livejournal.com]

It's terrible, isn't it, to realise that even the work you've always dreamed of isn't always 100% fun?

I am nominally doing two types of work I adore. Some days I still want to throw it all down in the gutter and walk away. Even the best jobs have boring bits - be it admin when you should be doing, writing awkward letters, having to pretend to be someone you're not, photocopying or just doing it too many hours a day and suddenly you don't want to...

I don't know if I'm making any sense. But my feeling is that what you are experiencing here is the difference between doing something you love as a hobby and doing it professionally as a job.

[mary-j-59.livejournal.com]

What Dolorous Ett says makes very good sense - and is it also possible it's the quotas you are giving yourself? You seem a bit stressed when you don't make the word count. Maybe it would be better to give yourself a block of time and write as much as you can in that time, without considering the words? Or maybe (this helped me, though I haven't half your experience as a writer) you could just take 1/2 hour of the time to play, and do pure experimental or freewriting that you think you might end up tossing?

You just sound very pressured, and as if you need to take a bit of the pressure off. HTH!