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rj_anderson...that I am on Fic Holiday until further notice. That doesn't mean, by the way, that I'm not going to write anything. It's just that I've decided to stop pressuring myself to produce a complete, finished work as soon as penguinly possible (sorry, I've sat through too many readings of Rumble Grumble Gurgle Roar in the last few days) and write solely for my own pleasure, and at my own pace, for a change.
What I mean is this: when I was in my early teens and given to staying up until 2 or 3 a.m. hammering out purple prose on my ancient and Liquid Paper-spattered electric typewriter, I wrote random story fragments all the time. If I got an idea for a really dramatic or exciting or romantic scene, I sat down and hammered it out right then and there, without worrying about any of the stuff that led up to it or anything that would follow. And often those scenes did eventually make it into a larger story, so the effort wasn't wasted.
Somewhere along the way, however, as I grew older and developed more of a sense of authorial discipline, I started to feel guilty if I wasn't making "forward progress" and began forcing myself to write things in order. And soon it had become a habit. I wouldn't even say it was a bad habit, but right now I'm finding that "you can't have your dessert until you eat your vegetables" approach to writing rather burdensome. So I'm going to try going back to my old way of doing things and see if it helps get the creative juices flowing.
I have to admit that one of the reasons I was feeling so pressured to get a story, any story, written and posted ASAP was the sense that both my active fandoms (HP and ALIAS) are growing and changing at a rapid rate, and if I take too long a break from writing, by the time I post my next fic everyone will have forgotten me. Stupid, I know, especially since I have so many great friends online who have always been very faithful with criticism, encouragement and general commentary on whatever I write -- and really it's their thoughtful responses, not any amount of "squeeback" (thank you, Jemima), that I value most. But still, the anxiety is there.
Feedback, I hasten to add, is not the reason that I write: I wrote for years without any audience at all, apart from myself and perhaps one or two close friends. But it does mean a great deal to me to hear from people who have read my work and find that it stirred something in them, especially when I can see that the things they notice and appreciate in the stories are the things that meant most to me as I was writing them. I don't write in an effort to validate myself or my beliefs -- my sense of self-worth lies primarily in my relationship to God, secondarily with my family -- but I do use fiction to try and communicate thoughts and ideas that mean something to me, and to meet people who are interested in those same things (even if, in some cases, they disagree). So from that point of view, I do feel an urge to reach as large an audience as possible, and dread the thought of diminished readership. Thus the pressure to keep producing finished stories, to keep myself in the fannish lifestyle to which I have become accustomed. Yes, I know I'm warped. :)
Anyway, I've decided I need to let all that go and not worry about it. This is just not a time in my life when I can afford to concentrate on writing with the same intensity I once did. There are just too many other commitments and distractions. So I'm going to try and follow the example of my kids, and just play.
I'll let you know how it goes.
What I mean is this: when I was in my early teens and given to staying up until 2 or 3 a.m. hammering out purple prose on my ancient and Liquid Paper-spattered electric typewriter, I wrote random story fragments all the time. If I got an idea for a really dramatic or exciting or romantic scene, I sat down and hammered it out right then and there, without worrying about any of the stuff that led up to it or anything that would follow. And often those scenes did eventually make it into a larger story, so the effort wasn't wasted.
Somewhere along the way, however, as I grew older and developed more of a sense of authorial discipline, I started to feel guilty if I wasn't making "forward progress" and began forcing myself to write things in order. And soon it had become a habit. I wouldn't even say it was a bad habit, but right now I'm finding that "you can't have your dessert until you eat your vegetables" approach to writing rather burdensome. So I'm going to try going back to my old way of doing things and see if it helps get the creative juices flowing.
I have to admit that one of the reasons I was feeling so pressured to get a story, any story, written and posted ASAP was the sense that both my active fandoms (HP and ALIAS) are growing and changing at a rapid rate, and if I take too long a break from writing, by the time I post my next fic everyone will have forgotten me. Stupid, I know, especially since I have so many great friends online who have always been very faithful with criticism, encouragement and general commentary on whatever I write -- and really it's their thoughtful responses, not any amount of "squeeback" (thank you, Jemima), that I value most. But still, the anxiety is there.
Feedback, I hasten to add, is not the reason that I write: I wrote for years without any audience at all, apart from myself and perhaps one or two close friends. But it does mean a great deal to me to hear from people who have read my work and find that it stirred something in them, especially when I can see that the things they notice and appreciate in the stories are the things that meant most to me as I was writing them. I don't write in an effort to validate myself or my beliefs -- my sense of self-worth lies primarily in my relationship to God, secondarily with my family -- but I do use fiction to try and communicate thoughts and ideas that mean something to me, and to meet people who are interested in those same things (even if, in some cases, they disagree). So from that point of view, I do feel an urge to reach as large an audience as possible, and dread the thought of diminished readership. Thus the pressure to keep producing finished stories, to keep myself in the fannish lifestyle to which I have become accustomed. Yes, I know I'm warped. :)
Anyway, I've decided I need to let all that go and not worry about it. This is just not a time in my life when I can afford to concentrate on writing with the same intensity I once did. There are just too many other commitments and distractions. So I'm going to try and follow the example of my kids, and just play.
I'll let you know how it goes.
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Date: 2003-03-18 06:11 am (UTC)