Just for the @&*#! record...

[rj_anderson]

I never thought I would have to post an explanation of why I don't swear, but in the last few months the issue has come up in a number of different contexts, and I've realized a lot of people either don't have a clue about what's going on in my head, or have jumped to the wrong conclusion about it.

Here, then, is the simple truth of the matter.

I was brought up by parents who didn't use even the mildest oaths, and who gently but firmly corrected me when I said things like "Gosh" and "Darn". "Holy [Insert Random, Inoffensive Noun Here]" was right out, since only God is holy. Even "Rats" was deemed suspect, since it was obviously a substitute for some kind of stronger language. And the TV went off immediately if anyone used the Lord's name in vain.

This might sound like my childhood was horribly repressive, but I love and respect my parents, and have always had a great relationship with them. Swearing was one of very few areas where they really took an unyielding stand, and since I never heard a single oath or crudity come out of their mouths under any circumstances (and that's pretty impressive seeing my Dad served in the British Navy during WWII), I think I would have absorbed the idea that swearing was inappropriate even if they'd never directly said as much.

The upshot of all this is that even now that I am an adult and no longer answerable to my parents, I simply don't have a lot of rude words in my vocabulary, and no particular impulse or temptation to start saying them. Instead, I use a limited, idiosyncratic, and for the most part decidedly G-rated range of exclamations. The Internet has given me access to handy acronyms like "OMG" and "WTF?" but I feel kind of guilty using even those, since I know what they "really" stand for. Even my fiction writing is occasionally hampered by the realization that Character X would swear under normal conditions but most of the time I can't bring myself to let them do it, so I have to find a creative alternative like "He spat out a fierce oath." I even feel uncomfortable quoting material that contains swear words, since it's too much like the swear word is now coming from me instead of the original speaker or writer.

However, I don't think of myself as specially virtuous for not swearing: it's just not me. Other people swearing in print or speech doesn't bother me for the most part, unless it's extremely gross or profane. I can even find swearing funny when it's done creatively, as in humorous writing. After all, sometimes there just isn't another word that's emphatic enough.

The only kinds of swearing that really upset me are racial slurs, crude sexual epithets, and (especially) blasphemy. Although I think I would have to say something if someone was using offensive racist or sexually degrading language in conversation with me, I really haven't had that happen very often, so it hasn't been an issue. But blasphemy, I hear all the time. And while I'm aware that most people don't mean anything hurtful by it, and aren't even thinking about what they're saying, I don't think I'm overreacting to find it offensive.

Mind you, 99.9% of the time I don't say anything when somebody blasphemes the name of God or of Christ, either because the person speaking doesn't know I'm a Christian, or because they weren't speaking directly to me, or because it was said when others were present and I feel the subject would be best addressed with the speaker in private. But for the record, if you're talking to me or know that I'm there and you're tempted to use blasphemous language, I'd really prefer you didn't, thanks.

Of course, this is just in case you actually give a crap care what I think. If you don't, then... as you were.

Comments

[silverlightstar.livejournal.com]

That's awesome and I respect you for that.

[zoepaleologa.livejournal.com]

I rather assumed, given your Christian faith, that you did not swear - without being told. I kind of expected you to be the sort of person who didn't - and I hope I'm not sounding hugely impertinent for saying so - it's NOT meant to be impertinent, but rather awed and respecting.

[rj-anderson.livejournal.com]

Not in the least impertinent -- that's very kind, thank you.

[peacockharpy.livejournal.com]

My parents are much like yours. I got my mouth washed out with soap for calling my sister "you little brat!" Gosh and darn were tolerated, though.

The most cagey approach I've heard was that of my father-in-law. When my husband, at a young age, uttered the word "Hell," his father said, "That's a bad word, son." When my husband switched to "Heck," his father said, "Heck's not a place."

As for me, I don't often feel guilty for saying swear words (in the right company...) but I feel very guilty when I write them. I try to save written swearing for maximum effect. I rarely swear in my LJ, now that I think about it (although I am guilty of constructions like WTF and OMG).

The teenagers I'm writing about, on the other hand, often want to swear, which leads me to solutions like yours ("I cursed under my breath, hoping that Dad couldn't hear.")

I also admit to finding fandom words like "asshat" to be extremely funny and evocative. I don't use them much but I don't mind seeing them.

I do admit that the word "fudge" gets used around my house. Perhaps a little too much. On the other hand, it makes my daughter laugh, which usually makes me laugh, so... *shrug*

[rj-anderson.livejournal.com]

"Asshat" is hilarious, IMO, and one of the best examples of how vulgarity can indeed be funny to me. I just don't feel quite at ease using it, even if I frequently giggle over its use by others.

And I really don't even bat an eyelash over saying "crap" or writing "bloody" (especially since the origin of the latter word has nothing to do with swearing by the blood of Christ, as my mother always feared). "Shoot" is another word that tends to escape me at times, although I worry about my kids picking it up. We all have our inconsistencies. :)

[gramarye1971]

It's really quite interesting that you should post this, because I've recently taken on a RPG character -- oddly enough, a Death Eater -- who seems to follow a very similar family history when to comes to swearing. With the exception of words that are rather endemic to Death Eater vocabulary ('Mudblood' and similar insults come to mind), I've had to write my way around a good deal of crude and/or scatological language in situations where using it would be fairly natural for a man who is supposed to be a racist cold-blooded killer. It's given me a very different perspective on how much I use such language, even in my thoughts. So you've given me food for thought here. ^_^

[rj-anderson.livejournal.com]

I've had to write my way around a good deal of crude and/or scatological language in situations where using it would be fairly natural for a man who is supposed to be a racist cold-blooded killer.

This would be the perfect post for my (as yet unfinished) LJ icon from Frank Miller's Elektra: Assassin, "Aim those machine guns, boy, and keep your language clean." Not swearing and being intolerant of other people swearing doesn't make you a good person -- you can be quite sufficiently nasty in other areas even if your speech is pristine.

All of which is to say that your Death Eater RPG character sounds like he'd be an unusual and challenging person to play!

[arevanye.livejournal.com]

We don't swear in our household either. Little pitchers have big ears, and I would die if one of my kids went to school and taught the other kids the latest swear word out of mommy's mouth. In fact, we don't use words like "stupid" or "idiot" or anything like that in the sense of a put-down.

But I am used to others swearing--it seems to be pretty pervasive any more. The only thing that irritates me is when someone swears on my LJ friends page without using a cut--because then the school's profanity filter blocks all of LJ and I can't read anything until I get home! :)

[rj-anderson.livejournal.com]

Yes, we've been working hard on preventing our kids from saying "stupid" and "idiot" to each other. It's quite the challenge!

[kalquessa.livejournal.com]

I was raised in similar fashion, and I'm still (I think) pretty good at keeping the profanity out of my daily usage, though the three years I spent working at the evil office did do a lot of damage to my language. I'm trying to slowly get it back to a place where I no longer have to put so much energy into not swearing.

[honorh.livejournal.com]

Are you me? Seriously! I'll occasionally let fly with a swear word if the situation really, really warrants it, but *never* in front of my parents. And I won't ever use the f-word or Christ's name in vain. Glad I friended you--we sound like soul sisters!

P.S. Love the icon!

[izhilzha.livejournal.com]

Great, now I'm feeling guilty. :-P

I was raised in a similar fashion, though substitute words were acceptable (as long as my mom was pretty sure they weren't directly derived), fudge, rats, darn, and oh my word! were common.

It's much more difficult not to swear, now, mostly because of coworkers and friends who do so. Hence my starting to use "frell" and "crap," which I picked up from fav. TV shows.

I agree with you, though, in the categories of what I really can't stand, and don't use, with one exception: while I find people using "God!" as an exclamation of annoyance to be blasphemous, I find it very hard to condemn people saying that in a moment of distress/shock, whether they're believers or not...because it sounds like an involuntary prayer. It always has, to me.

Also, I don't have a problem with my characters swearing...if they need to. And since my vocab is really very small (comparatively speaking), they don't swear all that much.

[kerravonsen]

I was raised in a similar fashion, though substitute words were acceptable (as long as my mom was pretty sure they weren't directly derived), fudge, rats, darn, and oh my word! were common.

Yeah, me too. Drat, rats, things like that.

We also had a number of made-up expletives, mainly used by one of my brothers, such as "peanuts and raisins!". The one that spread to my entire family was "Prunes!", and variations such as "Prunes to them all!" and "Prunus maximus!"

It's much more difficult not to swear, now, mostly because of coworkers and friends who do so

Yeah, I find I'm more tolerant of swearing around me than I used to be, though generally for words like "Sh*t" which I may even use myself under high stress. Fortunately nobody around me at work has really been taking the Lord's name in vain, so I haven't really been challenged with whether or not to make a fuss about it.

I don't have a problem with my characters swearing if they're that kind of character, though I do try to make it as mild as reasonable for that character.

[sff-corgi.livejournal.com]

*beam!* Not quite as faith-based, but me too!

(Although when I do say 'Oh my God(dess)', I do try to mean it each time.)

[penwiper26.livejournal.com]

I was raised much the same way as far as swearing goes, but I've never been particularly clean-mouthed or -minded. It's much like my love life -- I've stayed celibate for all this time but don't consider myself particularly chaste.

I am trying to swear less at the moment -- not because I'm real attached to the notion of avoiding vulgarity or preserving a reputation for decorum, but because there is a certain violence involved in "talking blue" and I wish to pursue an ideal of nonviolence. And I'd rather not bring God into it, though "taking God's name in vain" means something different to me now than it did as a child.

My roommate respects this about me and tries to avoid saying "G*dd*mn*t" around me, as this sometimes represents a temptation due to its shocking emphasis.

But I must confess, I rather enjoy swearing most of the time.

[rj-anderson.livejournal.com]

*giggles over your icon*

[rose-in-shadow.livejournal.com]

With three brothers, it was hard not to say "stupid" and "idiot" a lot. But I did get in trouble for those. My parents, like yours, never swore and, like you, I find it uncomfortable. Being in the work world has softened my alarms, but I hope I'm not completely desensitized.

I've only sworn once in my writing and in that case I could not think of a way to rewrite it without losing the comedic emphasis. I still feel guilty about it though :-/.

[firebyrd.livejournal.com]

We always used substitutes when I was growing up, but never the real thing. I've been going through a late rebellion the last few years in that I've started to swear (some rebellion, since I've been careful to keep my mom from knowing about it ;). I've been thinking about the issue, though, and it's probably time for me to end the rebellion. I'm probably going to be getting an African grey in the next few months and probably kids in a few years, so it's time to grow up and clean up my language again.

That said, I avoid the blasphemous phrases entirely and they are the ones that bother me. Most things are just words with no meaning beyond what people give to them, but I feel differently about those referring to the Lord. I'm not so bothered by variations on the word God, because the people in question aren't necessarily referring to the God that I believe exists and it's beyond me to read their minds and see what they're intending. Taking Christ's name in vain bothers me a lot, though. That's very specific and there's no question as to who they are referring to.

[lizbee.livejournal.com]

In my family, "shut up" was counted among forbidden words. Although I ended up going to a series of very rough schools, which has expanded my vocabulary immensely.

One of the advantages of not being a habitual swearer is that when a situation calls for four-letter-words? It's twice as satisfying. *nods*

[muggle-prof.livejournal.com]

After a summer working a clerical job for the Marines, and several years working for newspapers, I could pretty much earn a PhD in swearology. (In defense of the Marines, I must say the foulest mouth by far belonged to the full-time secretary; the Lt. Col. I worked for explained the secretary's language by saying she had started working for the military when she was 18 and swore to cover up her insecurities.).
I finally realized the way we talked at work could be offensive to people I met outside the office and pretty much went cold turkey on swearing. It just forced me to think before I spoke, which is always a good thing, I think.
I've managed to stay pretty clean for years (having a kid you don't want picking up bad words helps), although I am occasionally guilty of saying "poopies" in public. If something worse slips out, you know I'm really upset.

BTW, I stumbled across your journal recently and friended you when I found out who you are. "Light and Dark Trilogy" was the very first piece of fanfic I ever read (talk about a lucky hit at Fiction Alley!) and it remains one of my favorites.

[rj-anderson.livejournal.com]

Thank you!

[kagiri.livejournal.com]

My parents haven't been quite as strict on this issue as they were when I was younger, but I too remember the days when "gosh" and "darn" weren't acceptable. I've gone through "swearing phases", but those are ancient history, and swearing in general bothers me (especially when it's coming from my Christian friends).

It's nice to know that there are a few people out there who have been raised with the same principles I was.

[ravensnape.livejournal.com]

The sad fact is that I was never a habitual swearer until I started working in the public school systems. As a private school brat, I'd never have dreamed of swearing in front of a teacher. I was in for quite a shock the first few weeks of my teaching, as were the students. My first two rules were: 1-take your hats off in my class and 2-stop with the bad language. I could control my classroom, but the language continued in the halls, the parking lot, the sports events. As one person against a student body of over eight hundred, I gave up. I still make them take off their hats, but I find myself using language now that I never even knew what it meant while I was in high school.

I should change that, shouldn't I? The language that is, not the not knowing what it means...:D

[owl]

Ooh. I was at state school, and we'd never swear in the classroom. That was asking for trouble.

[risti.livejournal.com]

Word. I may link to this post as an explanation of my own habits, because they are so similiar, right down to the feeling guilty about characters swearing.

On the blasphemy thought... does it bug you as much as it bugs me that a PG-13 or even G rated movie can have a character saying "Oh My God" or just "God" every other word, and this doesn't even get a mention in the rating?

[rj-anderson.livejournal.com]

Yup. But it's always been that way, it seems...

[innerslytherin]

Oddly, I was just thinking about this earlier this morning, though not at all in relation to you. I do swear, and a lot, but I also get upset by blasphemy. Honestly I can overlook when people use the word "God" because that can be a generic term as well as a specific one. It's when "Jesus" or "Christ" is used that I really feel hurt. Just hurt, if the person isn't aware I'm a Christian. Hurt and angry if the person is being deliberately offensive.

I respect that you don't swear, and I do try not to swear when people might find it offensive, but obviously I'm fond of using it in my writing.

[(Anonymous)]

When I grew up, GD it or JC! were hit-your-thumb-with-a-hammer type exclamations. Not to be used in casual conversation, but acceptable under provocation.
Oddly, I try not to use them (& more extreme forms now), not because I'm religious--I'm not, I'm an atheist and it just seems silly to swear by a Deity I don't believe in.
I've recently picked up,"For all love!" from Patrick O"Brian's novels & find it useful if said forcefully enough. (Besides, it makes me think of Stephen Maturin, which makes me smile.)
"Will you two stop fighting and go outside, for all love!"
My kids have picked up 'smeggin' from Red Dwarf, & Kid#1 uses some of the oddest phrases from Jeeves & Wooster. Calls Kid#2 a blithering twit and a blister. He's not your everyday 14yr old.

Naomi

[(Anonymous)]

Oh! I forgot to say, my very dear ex-FIL used to say...
JINGO NEDDIES!
I very nearly died the first time I heard it.
Naomi

jingo neddies

[(Anonymous)]

MY family has used the term jingo neddies for generatons. I never knew what it meant or where it came from.As our family originated in Ireland I assumed it came from Ireland or England. Do you know any more about this phrase ? Will you share ? Rosemary at kincomac@comcast.net

[owl]

The only things I say are 'bloody' and the ever-useful Irish 'fek'. I have done a few ZMGBBQ11!'s online, but I'd never take God's name in vain. That offends me more than the bodily words, although the film ratings people never seem to think so. Grrr. Oh, yes, and I use 'grrr' as a swear, too!

[tenebraeli.livejournal.com]

Just wanted to say that this is fascinating, and makes perfect sense to me. I was sort of similarly raised, except the no swearing rule only applied to us kids. Mom, although a devout Catholic, could and did swear like a sailor sometimes. I won't tell you what her favorite is, because it is quite blasphemous, although inventive. Yet, when I said the f-word to my brother when I was ten, I got my mouth washed out with Ivory soap. Bleagh.

As I grew up, and associated with all sorts of people, I picked up all sorts of bad swearing habits, which I'm not proud of, and especially try to control in those moments of hitting-ones-thumb-with-a-hammer. One thing mom did impress upon us, and she followed it as well, was to *never under any circumstances* use racial/religious/sexual epithets. To the point that when my husband does say those words, I almost get sick to my stomach.

Since I've worked in restaurants and stores for so long, dealing with the public, I've developed an off-switch for my tongue. Whenever I'm out in public, the worst I'll say is bugger or bloody (mainly because they are 'almost' meaningless here in America), or blast etc.

I do swear in my LJ posts sometimes, mainly because I write much the same way as I would talk to my friends, no holds barred. I think I put most of that under a lj-cut, but I will try harder to do that in the future.

[carbonelle.livejournal.com]

I love the rhthym of swearing (Holy HAN-ah INNA hand-BASKET) and the quirkily and mildly obscure even more; so for long years, I got by with that "EM-bleer FRITHING (insert object of derision)" and "FRITH inna HAND-basket."

After all, I'm not terribly likely to have qualms about blaspheming the (nonexistant) gods of my dinner-choices, now am I.

Then I married a computer programmer, and it's been one long struggle against tide of profanity.

***sighs***

Stevedores and sailors aren't even in it.

[rj-anderson.livejournal.com]

Frith and Inle! is a perfectly smashing oath, I've always thought. And one of these days I'm sure I'm going to snap and tell somebody to silflay hraka.

[kateorman.livejournal.com]

*blush* Rebecca, you're a lady. Compared to whom, I fear I am a marine.