Letters to TORCHWOOD, after watching The One with the Fairies

Dear Jack: Your angst is painfully unconvincing, as is your leadership. Please go back to playing the smartmouthed second banana -- it suits you so much better.

Dear Gwen: I like your hair. Your whiny attitude, however, not so much. Also, I feel sorry for your boyfriend.

Dear Everybody Else: You lack personality. If it weren't for Toshiko being a girl, I would have a hard time telling you all apart.

Dear F/X People: Ouch. And not in a good way.

Dear Show Writers in General and RTD in Particular: Sorry, no sale.

*goes back to waiting for the latest Amazing Race episode*