Thursday Wordcount, and a question about "feeling it"

[rj_anderson]

Well, you all know what gang aft agley. My toddler has a mild sinus infection, and was feverish and clingy this morning, which made me think farming him out was Not The Best Idea after all. So all that really happened on the writing front today was a nice update call from my agent (who is fantastic about keeping in touch, I must say!), some more editing, and ultimately a mere

289 words.

I know what major things have to happen in this chapter. I'm just finding myself uninspired when it comes to drawing the lines in between.

And this leads me to something I've been fretting about for a while, so I may as well come clean (gulp!).

Lately I keep hearing other authors talk about how they get carried away as they're working on a story, how particular scenes and characters get into their heads and won't let go. There's even a discussion on one of the writers' boards I frequent about how best to extract oneself from the emotional undertow after writing some particularly moving or harrowing scene.

I used to feel that way, when I was single and could write pretty much whenever I wanted. I would shut myself in my room, listen to favorite songs on my Walkman, and hammer out page after page, caught up in the urgency of the story. Sometimes I would giggle over what I was writing; sometimes I would get misty-eyed; sometimes I would feel my characters' frustration and be crabby for some time afterward. It didn't always happen, but it happened often enough.

Now it never happens.

I can't write with music on these days. I find it too distracting. There are two periods during the day of about 1.5 hours each when I'm free to write, and even those times tend to be full of interruptions. I used to read most books -- even long ones -- in one or two sittings; but now it takes me fifteen or twenty. When it comes to immersing myself in an invented world and being caught up in the lives of its characters, I can barely do justice to other people's books, let alone the ones I'm writing.

And yet I know I'm not alone in this, and I feel sure that powerful, emotionally resonant stories have been written by authors in much the same situation -- people who for one reason or another just couldn't do the Method Acting thing. Maybe because, like me, they have young children or other needy family members to look after; or maybe because their brains just aren't wired that way, and they find it more natural to cook up a story intellectually than live it vicariously.

I would like to hear about (or even better, from) those people. Please?

Comments

[friede.livejournal.com]

I dunno if this helps, RJ, but my much-admired advisor wrote her latest book (out next spring!) during a period which included the births of her two sons (now nearly 4 and 2 -- AND she's an attachment parent!). As I understand it, even with the massive amount of takes-a-village-style help, she copes with a great deal of juggling, but she manages it.

[jenosopher.livejournal.com]

I read somewhere that C.S. Lewis was interrupted almost constantly by the old lady he took care of and her awful dog who made messes everywhere. Wish I could remember where I read that and find it for you. It seems he had almost superhuman patience as well as superhuman talent.

[nancy-v.livejournal.com]

A while ago I wrote and published an essay about writing in between loads of laundry, in the car, etc. Now, like you, even music distracts me.
I NEED QUIET. And of course, in the summer there is none of that. Sooo, I'm biding my time, waiting for fall when I can get into the swing of things, and hopefully get back into my character's head. I miss her. I don't need a perfect atmosphere, just one where I can type more than a page without someone telling me, "Hey, look at this picture" or "What time can you take me to town?" or "There's nothin' to eat in this house" or my all time fave: "What are you doing? You don't look THAT busy."

[robinellen.livejournal.com]

I'm not one of those people, I'm afraid. Sometimes I can get caught up in my own stories to the point of dreaming about it and being excited to write -- but as you've mentioned here, life often gets in the way of that...so I'll also be watching the responses you get here :)

[labellerose.livejournal.com]

I am the same way about reading and studying. When I was young and single, I could write or read with music on. Now, after 3 children, some of my bandwidth is always on 'hubby/kiddo alert' and I just can't take in all that sensory input when I'm trying to think, anymore.

[peacockharpy.livejournal.com]

Aww, sorry about the toddler sickness. We have just been through similar.

I too used to be a Method Writer. (In fact, my method sounded remarkably like yours, including the Walkman and the giddy whoosh of emotion...)

Now, with a preschooler on the loose (not to mention another baby expected), that's impossible. I can't just let "the Muse" carry me off -- heck, she's probably given me up as a bad job anyway. Instead, I have to show up in the few moments when I have the time and hammer out some more words and hope they're good. Or that they can be adequately reworked. I have, thankfully, gotten to a point where I can do that. (Even if I do need to be more disciplined about defining writing time and sticking to it.)

But I think there are positives to this. First, when I'm disciplined about setting a time and sticking to it, I can slip back into writing more easily instead of using music etc. as conduits. Second, my writing is cleaner. If I need to write an intensely emotional scene, rather than just immersing myself in the perspective of one character, I evaluate what's going on with several characters and play them accordingly. (Used to be I'd ride the viewpoint character like a thoroughbred, and... wait, that sounds really wrong. Never mind.)

In any case, having to approach the writing as work, rather than as inspiration, has been on the whole better for the work. Not as much FUN, of course, because there's nothing like that inspiration rush. But better overall.

[penwiper26.livejournal.com]

Well, I dunno -- with other people's writing I tend to make very few assumptions about their process, so I imagine it wouldn't faze me at all if someone said they wrote a deeply emotional story in a non-vicarious manner -- and if it comes to that, who could guess how "The Cold Equations" was written?

I use vicarious dreaming as a primary tool in my writing, but mostly for beginning stages of whatever I'm working on. When it comes to putting words on paper, it's the mechanical act that drains me most, followed distantly by the mingled satisfaction and vague remorse at being mean to my characters. At any rate, I'm aware of a marked difference between the vicarious dreaming state (the Stanislawski Stage of operations, I suppose) and the feelings attendant upon the actual usage of time writing. For me, they're not the same thing at all, but they might merge a little more closely in the process of someone such as JKR, who's described her process in very emotional terms -- but even that I couldn't swear to for sure -- I'm sure plain-old exhaustion plays a part in that kind of talk.

In any event, I see my own process as being a sort of constellation of events both emotional and intellectual -- and I have no idea how idiosyncratic it really is, but it's enough so that I'd never want to measure other people's process by it.

[olmue.livejournal.com]

Well--there's certainly a lot less "waiting for the Muse to show up in her chariot to take me away" and a lot more of me snarling, "Get over here, Muse, I have fifteen seconds before the kids do another chemistry experiment in the kitchen," these days. And I do find myself wanting to preplan things a lot more beforehand so that when I do have those 15 seconds I can write madly. I think my kids are around your kids' ages, so I can definitely empathize with the insanity of it all.

Then again, I've never, EVER been able to write with music. No music, no people talking to me (around me is fine, as long as I'm not require to Be in Charge or respond to anything).

I think writing processes just have to mutate according to circumstance. I hope your youngest continues to nap for a long time ahead!

[dichroic.livejournal.com]

I recommend Madeleine L'Engle's A Circle of Quiet, the first of her Crosswicks Journals. Among other things, she talks about writing A Wrinkle in TIme while raising three children and running a general store, being able to write only in the exhausted evenings when the children had gone to bed.

Great question!

[newport2newport.livejournal.com]

In most areas of my life, I'm really good at multi-tasking and tuning out interruptions. But when I'm writing, I prefer quiet solitude...yoo much stimulation, and I lose my train of thought.

I hope your little one feels better soon.

[timeheldinsepia.livejournal.com]

My brain is not wired for music and writing, most of the time. Sometimes I can listen to Vaughn Willimas, but that's about it. In my twenties, I *could* listen to music and write; maybe (in my case) it has to do with age.

[elizabethcbunce.livejournal.com]

For me it has less to do with interruptions/or not... and more to do with "I'm not wired that way." I guess there's just so much tweaking and tinkering and *adjustment* that goes into making a book perfect that it's impossible to stay caught up in the moment. I mean, if I have to decide "comma here or semicolon; do I split this sentence into two? And should Rosie's dialogue maybe come earlier... and while I'm at it, would she *really* say 'contemptible'??" it sort of interrupts the deep emotional impact for me.

Certainly there's an emotional peak I'm trying to hit with every scene and sentence... but I'm not likely to find *myself* distracted by it. I can't afford to--I'm too busy making sure all the words are in place so the *reader* can get that feeling.

I can lean back at the end of a scene, breathe it in, and "feel" whether it strikes the right chords... but I don't generally feel it *while* I'm composing.

(So what I'm saying is, not channelling your characters' angst doesn't make you a bad writer.)

[rj-anderson.livejournal.com]

Certainly there's an emotional peak I'm trying to hit with every scene and sentence... but I'm not likely to find *myself* distracted by it. I can't afford to--I'm too busy making sure all the words are in place so the *reader* can get that feeling.

Thank you -- this is just how I feel as well. It's a relief to hear it from someone else!

[izhilzha.livejournal.com]

I second that--I mean, I've certainly had times when I *did* channel my characters' angst (or, heh, allowed them to channel mine), but I tend to be too involved with the creating part of writing to get entirely lost in the emotion. (I often chortle if my dialogue turns amusing, but I don't think I've cried when writing since I was very young.)

Though I am still single, and I do still use music both as inspiration and to block out the noise the rest of the world is making around me. A mental nest, if you will, where I can focus on other things.